By guest writer, Baby X
Editors Note – As the search for a new junior writer/editor winds down, I’ve had a chance to interview the front-running candidate. What follows is his or her* first article for our publication, an introductory sampling, if you will. Please enjoy. — Brendan
I’ve never been anywhere like this before. As far as places to stay, the accommodation here is really good, though it’s a tough place to get into. I consider myself lucky because I’ve got the womb reserved through March/April.
So what do you look for when you’re deciding how good a place is?
- Comfy. Oh my yes. It’s always tropically warm (womb temperature) and there’s plenty of space to stretch out.
- Security. No one gets in or out of this place. And, with the way it’s constructed I doubt I’d even feel an earthquake.
- Location, location, location. It’s conveniently located within walking distance of, get this, everything I have ever known. Try saying that, Mr. Ramada.
- Price. Best I can tell it’s free. I was never asked for a credit card. I’ve never even signed a womb slip, nothing. I think the tab is being picked up on this one. Maybe because I’m an aspiring journalist, I’m not sure.
- Room Service. Everything I’ve ever had or wanted is on the menu and immediately available. How is it when you’re somewhere? You read a menu, make a call and then wait an hour for something lukewarm to be delivered by some organ grinder monkey who expects a tip. Consider this the endless cruise buffet, but without all the hassle of having to ask for or chew your own food. It’s just there, in your body, done. Like a Big Mac I.V. (I put the dots there so you’d know I didn’t mean “4.”)
So when I say unprecedented, I really mean it. This place is like no other I have ever seen. This is as first place as any first place could ever be. It’s new, it’s good, and it’s nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I would recommend everyone try being within the womb at least once in their lives… I wonder how many actually do?
* Seriously though, what’s the deal with this “his or her” business? I know we don’t wish to appear to discriminate, but let’s be honest with ourselves here, I think we know who we’re going with. Can’t we just ask more personal questions like gender or name? It’s going to make getting back in contact difficult… although, if I don’t know who to make it out to, I guess I can’t write a paycheck, can I?
So now let’s talk about junior writer/editor. Baby X is a real deal, folks. There’s another staff member on the way. This isn’t just a pygmy of my imagination. They won’t give me a name or gender, but “he, she or it” is en route. What should I do? How should I address this? Do you guys even have any feedback for me? I would love to hear it if you do, and I mean that sincerely.