Dominic Benjamin was brought aboard to report fresh, breaking news, but after yesterday’s plagerism I realize he’s nothing more than a cheap rerun of me.
I had to take a nap so I wasn’t available to double check his work before it went to print. I can’t be expected to dot every “I” nor taste every tea. He’s here to make my life easier not more difficult. Don’t forget that’s the only reason he’s here. Mom and dad aside, I ordered this guy up myself.
For a moment let’s put aside all the grief and extra work he’s caused me and focus on the matter at my little, ambidextrous hand. Yesterday Dominic ran a piece about how he shouldn’t be confused for a stuffed animal. Check your archives, people, I ran the same article last year, like almost exactly the same!
His headline was I’m No Stuffed Cuddly with this picture.
Last year my headline was I’m No Stuffed Animal with this picture.
He must know I’m not going to sue him for stealing my story and trying to pretend it’s his own, but that doesn’t make it okay! We’re here to report news not old recycled stories that were cute but lukewarm to begin with.
I’m supposed to be his boss around here, not a babysitter. I swear this kid ain’t from a dejected home yet I feel like I’m his mentor in a big brother program. I guess this can go down in my lengthy notes-to-self as yet another reason you shouldn’t hire family members.