I’ve learned a lot in my many, many (okay, just many) months of life, but nothing has prepared me for the changes and growing pains I’ve got now. Pain in the neck? Nope, it’s coming along fine. I’ve got pain in the mouth and I haven’t even had habenero chilis. It’s teething I’m told and it’s both hurty and sloppy.
I haven’t done anything wrong yet my poor mouth aches. I’ve said no bad words I’m sure (since I’ve said no words at all) and I’ve got no tattoos nor piercings yet something is piercing my gums. I’m told it’s teeth but I didn’t ask for those either so I’m at a lost.
What’s this “teeth” business? Milk, formula, cereal, I’ve eaten a very wide variety of three things ever, yet I’ve never needed teeth before. I surely didn’t order them, not even off eBay who swears not to sell “human parts,” so where are they coming from?
With three whole taste sensations under my budding belt I think it’s safe to say I’ve had almost everything there is under the sun and the shirt (Mama’s of course) and I’ve never needed a tooth so what’s the story? Three Little Pigs? Goldilocks? Little Red Riding Hood? Feels more like a big bad wolf to me.
The pain is one thing, I’m a strong man despite my clear lack of chest hair, but what’s the deal with this slobber? Seriously, I’m sloppy down the front with it and I just can’t keep it in no matter how hard I try. Clearly I don’t suck as much as teething, otherwise I could contain it.
To whom-it-is I don’t know, but please count this as my written request to stop my crysome slobbery tooth breaking-in. You can keep the toothies, I don’t care, it doesn’t offend me, I’m not mad or jealouos.
Man, my shirt is soaked with someone’s slobber. I’m not sure but i think it might be mine and I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it. Between the soiled diapers, the adorable shirt soaked in spit and the general cluelessness, I can’t tell you how ready I am to grow up. Man, my life is a mess and messy to boot.