I don’t want to disclose the identity of the guy this happened to, but there’s a new danger in restaurants which may lead to you or your loved one being completely consumed by the table itself… and it isn’t cool at all.
Imagine going to an eatery of any sort at all. Your party gets a table and you hop on up into your high chair, and before you know it the downward-sliding begins. It’s innocent enough at first, a little inconvenient for sure, and before too long, you’ve been more or less swallowed whole.
Most people go to restaurants to eat rather than to be eaten. I think that’s what frustrated me the most, that I was there to enjoy my formula and kiddo-mush in a different environment. I wasn’t there to have a tree carcus try to eat me alive. I’m not sure what I paid for the experience, but I’m sure it was enough to expect something more than that.
Now be patient with me a moment, as I’ve just realize the previous statements make it sound as if the “victim” mentioned was me, which it isn’t, no really, I kind of swear. I’d go back and fix it but I still don’t know where the backspace key is or what it’s used for. So just pretend I said that it wasn’t about me but about some other vague person whom we can only imagine.
Any doubt you may have as to whether or not a table could eat a person should be dispelled by the photos. They’re horrific, aren’t they? A table, a baby, oh the (in)humanity!
So if you are a consumer and a human who is considering dining out, may I suggest that you avoid restaurants as well as places with high chairs, booster seats or tables. Oh, and also the silverware is kind of dangerous, so if you can find a nice place without any of that, I’d say you should add that to your list of critical conditions.