I’ve beeneth throughest so many incarnations in my kiddyescent development, but no matter what placid things thee thinkest I mayeth hath been, I’m here to walk up to you in finest health and scream as to what greater and better things I am now.
I started out as a true pre-birth sort of journalist. Twas a long time ago and indeed so traumatic I’ve verily blocked it all out, but I overcame it and simultaneously suffered and endured it all to suffer throughest a natural, sticky, embarrassing and disgusting vaginal birth.
Then I was sickly, as you can (quite literally) bloody well imagine I would be. I was yellow, despite a bold lack of cowardice and patently unable to gain any reporter dismissed weight at all. Thanks to the unimaginable efforts of the staff at Children’s Hospital I rebounded in finest form.
Not a New-B (newborn) and not sick, I was long relegated to a confusing state of infantilism. Suckling, teething, trying to crawl and otherwise licking carpet,it was all a big embarrassment, but I personally choose to blame it on age.
“Infantile” is a condescending label and, since teetering to toddlesome steps, I’ve graduated to toddler status. All that’s left from this headline to explain is that what’s left to overcome is personal volume and, as a baby to bigger-folk, let me tell you baby, I’m more than ready to stand up and holler for my own (un)due attention.
So how do I make up for it? It’s easy, though priced to move, I earn my success in sheer volume, volume, volume! (And by this I really mean it, volume, ya get me?
You may be deaf but you’d have to be dumb to not see I’m earning my due place in the family in terms of sheer, ridiculous, overwhelming quantums, even if just as measured by the deciblometer. You can’t ignore me, I make ear screeching piercingly positive of that.
Pay no mind to the noises I make nor mutterences I utter, come heck and high-water pants or other forms of odd and metaphorically subjective word plays, my newfound screaming is all about what it’s all undeniably about…Shallest I shout it again?