In a well-orchestrated, picket-line-style, peaceful protest today, local area children lined up and spoke up on the unjust matters that affect them most. They work hard and perform an array of tasks impossible to adults, but the youngsters have not received the due compensation they rightly deserve, and they had no choice but to take to the streets and make their squeaky voices heard.
The youngsters involved in the protest have requested we keep their names anonymous, myself, Patrick and Baby-D included, but their complaints are very real and perfectly legitimate. A survey was conducted including every single member of the picket line, and several household area child experts were consulted on the matter as well. While these picketers and experts may technically be the same people, not to mention my own brothers, the demands asserted were entirely valid nonetheless.
The children involved in the protest perform duties their ruling parental class cannot. They are expected, according to their 10-20 year contracts, to enjoy measurable growth each year, to increase vocabulary, motor and occupational abilities, and more and more, to perform “chores” and other such duties around the workplace. Also, they are expected to live in the place they work, which is akin to indenturing children into trade labor, which went the way of Johnny Tremain a thousand toddler lifetimes ago.
Protesters marched with signs that read “No More Vegetables”, “More Candy”, “Ice Cream for Dinner” and “No More Bedtime”, which they diligently held, showed to passersby and carried for as many as several minutes.
Surprisingly, Daddy-O, who is one of those responsible for the “more vegetables”, “less candy”, “no ice cream for dinner” and “bedtime” policies so hotly contested, still turned out to photograph the march, going as far as to help us prep, proof and publish this article. It’s some deep sort of double-un-reverse psychology I won’t understand for decades to come, if not simply a matter of transparency, but critics and advocates alike were puzzled by the move.
A representative from the 2-member Bi-Lateral Parents Association allegedly ended the protest by offering striking children, “Come back inside now, it’s time to read books.”
We read “Polka Dot Puppy,” which is one of my favorites… I mean, they read “Polka Dot Puppy” (which is still one of my favorites). We also had gummy vitabears and played with Fantastic Four’s “Rock Guy” action figure, which is cool because you can bend his fingers to hold a glow-in-the-dark alien.
Although the work stoppage has ended, working and living conditions have not improved. The candy allotment has not been adjusted, bedtimes are still required and this peculiar obsession with the forced ingestion of vegetables remains in place, though additional concessions in cheesy topping and ketchup have been granted.
If you have not already formed a household child-labor union, now may be the best time. And if you can’t make your own protest signs, just ask your parents. Our research has shown that they find it so adorable that they’ll help you make them, even though it is in protest to their own unfair practices.