Lampy-Headed Guy Subs in for Junior Writer

Our staff runs an exceptionally tight ship, and our ship has yet to sink, despite our forever full-steam-ahead status, and we don’t even lookout for icebergs or other such ship-sinkers. I’ve made the best of it, but my best way of it has been hiding inside a lampshade, which I’m sure is a good way of doing it since I saw people hiding in an old black & white film, and it worked great there.

I love lamp.
I love lamp.

But as sure as I’m out of the loop, I’m out of sight, and if you can see me anywhere in these pictures, I’m not doing my job right. I mean, I’m not doing my job right, and you know it because I’m hiding, but I think I’m better at hiding inside a lampshade than I am at writing.

Given the choice between being a writer and being a lamp, you gotta know I’d pick the lamp. Can’t help myself sometimes, I love lamp like a 40-year-old virgin… that’s not me being obscene, and you’d know that if you saw the movie, which you probably did but, there you go.

Also, if you really want to get sticky about me being a lamp instead of a writer, let’s talk about the fact that I’m actually making my absence known in a headline story. That’s not too smart on my part, but then again, I routinely choke a bit on my own dinner. I never said I was the smartest shovel in the socket, but I don’t have to be since I know I’m the most charming in the office.

In conclusion, I love lamp.

Above - I don't know if you can tell or not, but this isn't an actual lamp. It isn't plugged in, so the brightness you witness is actually me wearing a lampshade on my head. It's pretty clever, I know.
Above – I don’t know if you can tell or not, but this isn’t an actual lamp. It isn’t plugged in, so the brightness you witness is actually me wearing a lampshade on my head. It’s pretty clever, I know.

 

World Oddly Upside Down, As if We’re Moving

I’m no stranger to my own home, so I notice when changes take place, even if they are very subtle. I noticed yet another such subtle change this week. Unless I’m mistaken, which is uncommonly common, I think our house is being stuffed into an array of boxes, you know, like we’re on the eve of moving or something.

Pay no mind to how out-of-date our haircuts are, we are way crazy upside down.
Pay no mind to how out-of-date our haircuts are, we are way crazy upside down.

With the pictures quickly disappearing from the walls, our toys seemingly stuffed into boxes in the garage, and 80% of what I own curiously absent, I really think my world is as upside-down as the pictures indicate, and that my house is likely packed to the gills.

My house doesn’t have gills, exactly, but if it did, that’s the degree to which it would be packed.

Normally speaking, moving is one of the most stressful times in the life of a man. Luckily I’m a very small man, and am experiencing only a small amount of stress.

We’re able to overcome what appears to be our moving stresses by a number of simple ways:

 

  • We’re easily distracted by our upcoming trip to Puerto Rico, even though we’re not particularly sure what that means exactly.
  • Our object-permanence isn’t very good, so we barely notice that 70-90% of our stuff is missing.
  • We get to climb all over the packed-up boxes, and that’s great fun in primate ways.
  • We don’t have to pay for any of the moving, or actually do any of the moving either.

 

No less, our world is so very upside-down that the blood is rushing to our wee, pretty heads, our world is topys-turvified, and we don’t know (or care) how to deal with it… Is it time to go to Puerto Rico already or what?

Above - Oh my yes, our world is crazy turned on its earseses. We're not so concerned about it as much as excited about what uncertain future we face with the cautious guidance of our conscientious parental units.
Above – Oh my yes, our world is crazy turned on its earseses. We’re not so concerned about it as much as excited about what uncertain future we face with the cautious guidance of our conscientious parental units.

 

Blue Like Me; La Angst de la Grover

I’ve lived, I’ve loved, I’ve thrown raging tantrums of temper spanning the better parts of more hours than I care to admit, but I never would have known what it’s like to walk a mile in the shoes of Grover, and not just because Muppets don’t have feet, but because I’d never sung the siren song of a truly blue man… until now.

Pay close attention to the ways I stained my tiny arms all blue-like, you know, for best measures.
Pay close attention to the ways I stained my tiny arms all blue-like, you know, for best measures.

If you’ve ever been blue, like I have, you know what it’s all about. It ain’t easy being green, as another famous Muppet once said, but it’s even harder being blue, and that’s the very crux of living the life fantastic on the hard streets of Sesame and where not.

Wait, I forgot already, is it Grover or Cookie Monster who is identical in appearance to Elmo, except blue in hue?

If you want to live the life Muppet-Fantastic, it’s not nearly as tough as you might think. All you have to do is find a marker of permanent grade, pop off that clippie cap and slather yourself from tips of fingers to elbows most bendy and lather down the magic in ways most indelible.

Yep, just color yourself blue and call it a day.

A day is that thing we like to call it when we’re colored 10-kinds of blue. It’s not just Muppety-fun, but it’s also a bunch of trouble from the likes of the grown-ups. The elders get all weird when it comes to being tainted assorted colors, and it’s even worse when you also stain the walls, carpet, or ceiling… Don’t ask how I twinged the ceiling blue when my height is a solid 6-feet short of our waxing, passing, vaulted overheadery.

Oh man, I want to be that Muppet. It’s been a great ride as a humano-person, but these hours as a Muppet have shown me how the other side lives, and that way of living is blue. Pay no mind to the sad singers of New Orleans. Sure, their homes remain inundated to this day, but if they’re as blue as me, it can’t be all bad, even when you count the obvious growths of mold and the like.

Above - Even as a blue-man solo-group of my own, I find the glee and joy all wrapt into the singular package.
Above – Even as a blue-man solo-group of my own, I find the glee and joy all wrapt into the singular package.
Above - Bit crazy here, but even with the confusion in tow, I've still got my blues in hand, on arms, and all over me, Muppet Baby.
Above – Bit crazy here, but even with the confusion in tow, I’ve still got my blues in hand, on arms, and all over me, Muppet Baby.
Above - Oh man, you Muppets are just too much!
Above – Oh man, you Muppets are just too much!

 

Blue Like Me: La Angst de la Grover

I’ve lived, I’ve loved, I’ve thrown raging tantrums of temper spanning the better parts of more hours than I care to admit, but I never would have known what it’s like to walk a mile in the shoes of Grover, and not just because Muppets don’t have feet, but because I’d never sung the siren song of a truly blue man… until now.

Pay close attention to the ways I stained my tiny arms all blue-like, you know, for best measures.
Pay close attention to the ways I stained my tiny arms all blue-like, you know, for best measures.

If you’ve ever been blue, like I have, you know what it’s all about. It ain’t easy being green, as another famous Muppet once said, but it’s even harder being blue, and that’s the very crux of living the life fantastic on the hard streets of Sesame and where not.

Wait, I forgot already, is it Grover or Cookie Monster who is identical in appearance to Elmo, except blue in hue?

If you want to live the life Muppet-Fantastic, it’s not nearly as tough as you might think. All you have to do is find a marker of permanent grade, pop off that clippie cap and slather yourself from tips of fingers to elbows most bendy and lather down the magic in ways most indelible.

Yep, just color yourself blue and call it a day.

A day is that thing we like to call it when we’re colored 10-kinds of blue. It’s not just Muppety-fun, but it’s also a bunch of trouble from the likes of the grown-ups. The elders get all weird when it comes to being tainted assorted colors, and it’s even worse when you also stain the walls, carpet, or ceiling… Don’t ask how I twinged the ceiling blue when my height is a solid 6-feet short of our waxing, passing, vaulted overheadery.

Oh man, I want to be that Muppet. It’s been a great ride as a humano-person, but these hours as a Muppet have shown me how the other side lives, and that way of living is blue. Pay no mind to the sad singers of New Orleans. Sure, their homes remain inundated to this day, but if they’re as blue as me, it can’t be all bad, even when you count the obvious growths of mold and the like.

Above - Even as a blue-man solo-group of my own, I find the glee and joy all wrapt into the singular package.
Above – Even as a blue-man solo-group of my own, I find the glee and joy all wrapt into the singular package.
Above - Bit crazy here, but even with the confusion in tow, I've still got my blues in hand, on arms, and all over me, Muppet Baby.
Above – Bit crazy here, but even with the confusion in tow, I’ve still got my blues in hand, on arms, and all over me, Muppet Baby.
Above - Oh man, you Muppets are just too much!
Above – Oh man, you Muppets are just too much!

 

Birthday Perfected by Inflata-Elmo

I know I said I’d lay off the birthday-related articles, and I meant it when I said it, and it’s especially true since my birthday passed two-full months ago. That’s no matter when you consider that I had a four-foot tall inflatable Elmo to help me celebrate my birthday. I’d even tell you how cheap it was and how great too, but being serious for a second, those yokels won’t even write us back about how much we’ve promoted them in the past, so forget all that business.

I know, pretty fantastic this inflatable Elmo character.
I know, pretty fantastic this inflatable Elmo character.

On my birthday, it was really great. I remember it well, kind of. I showed up, as I’m want to do in my own home, and next thing I know, whilst still just wearing my nighty-style jammy-jams, I’m confronted by the coolest inflata-dude I’ve ever met. It’s my own 4-foot, fan-inflated Elmo, and he’s got a banner that says “Happy Birthday.”

How cool is that?

Very, that’s how cool it is. What inflatable hero did you get on your birthday? I’m going to guess the answer is “no inflatable hero.” That’s a tad sad, sadly.

I’ll let this go now. I know, my birthday was months ago and I’ve written it up more than even Christmas or the sum of all the other holidays combined, but think about it from my perspective. I had an Elmo at my birthday party and you don’t.

That’s just that. Sorry. I know, it’s pretty slick, even without all the Pam spray we love to spritz about our household nouns et al.

Yeah, I know, it’s a pretty weak article, but we’ve got a crazy gaggle of upcoming projects that are taking up pretty much all of out time these days. I’ll give you a hint though, one word that needfully comes to mind is “Po-we-go”… take that as you must, but don’t sweat it, you’ll get all the 411 you need on that in the near-coming weeks.

Above - In all my glee, you can see me pointing out the very same Elmo that is so great to me. Jealous much? Don't kid yourself, you know you are, and I know it too.
Above – In all my glee, you can see me pointing out the very same Elmo that is so great to me. Jealous much? Don’t kid yourself, you know you are, and I know it too.

 

NW Puppet Center Wraps Season w/ Brilliant Interpretation of Pied Piper

We’re big fans of Seattle’s Northwest Puppet Center, and not just because we love puppets, which we all most decidedly do. We’ve seen some really great shows at the center this year, and it’s appropriate that “Pied Piper” capped off the season, because it was really, really great.

Pied Piper at the Northwest Puppet Center.
Pied Piper at the Northwest Puppet Center.

Parasol Puppets presented “Pied Piper” and they did it in a way that really embraces kids in a way that’s exceptionally kid appropriate. Have you ever been to a show that’s full of kids? I know I have, and it’s not much fun, no thanks to all those darned kids in attendance.

Kids get restless, they disengage and become rambunctious in ways I appreciate when it comes to me, and detest when it comes to the rest of the crowd. Sheesh, could those other kids be quiet while I’m busy acting up in the middle of the show already?

These guys don’t just realize that we’re all a bunch of modern-American, short-attention-span kids, they embrace it and use it to their advantage. From the first minutes of the show, we were allowed and enticed to participate in the show. We got to answer questions, give advice and yell back at the tippy tops of our lungs.

Even the hecklers were heard and addressed. It wasn’t a real heckler so much as a guy whose pun-induced groan was too audible to be ignored. Yeah well, make a thousand puns in the presence of grownups, it’s kind of to be expected.

We’ll be back with Northwest Puppet Center in the fall, when they return for their ’07-’08 season, and I have a sneaking suspicion we’ll be as delighted as ever with their fine, fun, festive shows. I’m not a prognotisticater of the unimaginable or anything, but I do know I love the puppet shows.

In the meantime, if you can track down a show by the Carter Family, or Parasol Puppets, check it out. It was tons of fun for us, and we’re really not all that easy to please.

Above - This doesn't speak much about how great the show was, though it was. It speaks more to how great our camera is, even from the second-to-back row... looks pretty good, and the show was just like that, only that much better.
Above – This doesn’t speak much about how great the show was, though it was. It speaks more to how great our camera is, even from the second-to-back row… looks pretty good, and the show was just like that, only that much better.