| Got My Father's Eyes, My Brother's Nipples
Posted Sunday, May 02 @ 02:00:00 PDT by Brendan
I've been well described as a factory-stamped Irish baby before, but it's amazing how much I really got from my family.
| Got $40,000 Brother, Forgot Warranty
Posted Saturday, May 01 @ 12:00:00 PDT by Brendan
When I ordered up an assistant for this paper plus a new brother rolled into one I made it very clear I had no money to pay and that very few benefits could be offered. Ten days and $40,000 later I learned my lesson.
| Delicious Peanut Butter Ravages Consumers Faces
Posted Friday, April 30 @ 01:00:00 PDT by Brendan
Late yesterday, during an impromptu picnic at Local Park, I was unsuspectingly slipped what I believed was food, but in fact was the face assaulting goo best known to the layman as "peanut butter."
| Birth Canals: Just Too Narrow
Posted Thursday, April 29 @ 01:00:00 PDT by Dominic
Last week I had the rare chance to pass through a birth canal. I have to say, if I could change one thing it would be how wide it is and how easy it is to go through.
| Hospital Boots Reporter for Improved Health
Posted Wednesday, April 28 @ 01:00:00 PDT by Dominic
For the third time in a week I've been kicked out of a hospital. I'm not a troublesmith so I'm not sure why this keeps happening.
| Stable Reporter Still Being Watched
Posted Tuesday, April 27 @ 01:00:00 PDT by Dominic
If you red the news yesterday (or any other color, it's okay) you know I've been going around to a bunch of hospitals, kind of to review them.
| Overworked Reporter Succumbs to Exhaustion
Posted Monday, April 26 @ 02:00:00 PDT by Brendan
Just days after his arrival at Perplexing Times, staff writer Dominic Benjamin buckled under the pressures of our fast-paced environment and thus required medical attention.