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More Perplexing Articles . . .

Gun Love Strangely Forbidden
Posted Monday, September 04 @ 02:00:00 PDT by Brendan
It's odd if you think about it, which is probably the reason I choose not to, but at least in my house, guns are entirely off-limits. Sure, guns kill in the real world, but especially on TV and in Hollywood, guns kill 'em at the box office too, so shouldn't it be a matter of course that we get to play with all kinds of guns kind of whenever and however we want?

Waning Seconds of Summer Hurriedly Enjoyed
Posted Friday, September 01 @ 02:00:00 PDT by Brendan
I've seen enough seasons pass that I know that they actually do pass (finally, despite a handful of embarrassing misunderstandings from my younger years) but I still space out on it, so I'm grateful for weekends like I just had where I'm forced to enjoy each season mere seconds before it expires.

Mama Disdains Daddy-O Scribble Schedule
Posted Wednesday, August 30 @ 23:00:00 PDT by Brendan
Oh that crazy Miss Mama-Lady. She's so rigid and authoritarian with us boys she's all about eating vegetables and washing behind the ears. I guess it's no surprise she's just as authoritarian with Daddy-O.

Brother Savant Can Hit Anything with Bowling Pin
Posted Tuesday, August 29 @ 09:00:00 PDT by Brendan
City, State � Breaking news... Brother Patrick, whose autism has yet to afford him the luxury of counting to ten or potty training, has allegedly discovered a new talent most uncommon for his age; regardless of how skinny he is and how otherwise unpredisposed he may be, Patrick LaShaw, it seems, can hit absolutely anything with a bowling pin, regardless of what it is.

You Played My Battleship!
Posted Monday, August 28 @ 02:00:00 PDT by Brendan
First of all, let me say that I'm already keenly aware of how uncouth it is to use an exclamation point! in the course of journalism, and how much worse it is still to use it in a headline, but I can't concern myself with such things in the face of an imperfect idiom. Maybe he didn't sink it, but he definitely did "play" my battleship, and I didn't like that so much either.

Dog's Tongue Looks Suspiciously Like Ham
Posted Friday, August 25 @ 02:00:00 PDT by Dominic
I've seen my fair share of dogs in my life, but never on a day so hot as to witness the full glory of their sticky tongues. I know I have a tongue, but mine looks entirely like, well, like a tongue. Dog tongues, not so much. Them there tongues look more like a slice of hot holiday ham, I've recently come to learn.

Pops Properly Lolly-licious
Posted Thursday, August 24 @ 02:00:00 PDT by Dominic
As much as I claim to love my meats and veggies, a truth that's as yet both undisputed and unconfirmed is, there's another kind of food I like even just a tad more. If you really want to know the way to my heart, it's indeed through my tummy. But if you want to know the way to my tummy, it's through my lolly-philic sweet tooth.


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