As any fool can see; aint got a neck. |
Lynnwood WA, USA - Early Tuesday morning a crime of unmentionable magnitude was committed. The perpetrator, who remains at large, did make away with my neck. Though I am unsure of the last time I was in possession of my neck, I am reasonably confident it did exist.
Police investigators refused to accept a written report stating their firm belief that the absent neck would either return of its own accord, grow back, or be returned promptly.
A local pediatrician who wished to remain anonymous said he has seen this sort of thing before, and that while distinctly tragic, it can enable victims to play in the NFL later in life.
As an editorial note to all readers, should you see a spare neck lying about or have information on its whereabouts, please contact us immediately. It is described as pasty white, baby soft, and slightly sweaty. Also, it may or may not have trace amounts of slobber and formula.
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