Okay kids, do NOT try this at home... go to the office. |
I know how the game of Connect Four is played. You drop in checker after checker at random hoping that they will somehow form a line of four consecutive matching pieces.
Then you hope you can notice that there are four in a row, but you almost never do so the game goes on until you're out of pieces; right? At least that's how we play it around my house.
But just like most games, the rules are so complicated and the dexterity required is just too much so you make up your own rules. Like on some board games how you don't reverse when it says to or maybe do an all-play on every roundor even -- and this is really crazy -- give a way a big pile of monopoly money just because some big person thinks that it’s in the rulebook. So I came up with my own spin on Connect Four, something that doesn't require the impossible act of dropping them down the chutes. I call it Intestinal Connect Four.
It's really quite simple. You just eat as many pieces as you can and wait to see what happens in your belly. Why not, right? It's only natural for a player to want to put everything in their mouth, so this is really a pretty logical step.
As much as Intestinal Connect Four sounds like a good idea, it really isn't. Other players in attendance kept trying to stop me, but when I get an idea in my sparsely covered noggin it's hard to shake. I'm an innovator, and so it goes. But I have to warn you now; it's not that brilliant of an idea. There are some drawbacks to it.
Here are just a few:
Checkers are often disgusting, not worthy of putting in your mouth. You can wash them, but this is just the first obstacle to be overcome.
Checkers are too large to fit down most esophagi. You can choke. Oh, I know you can chew them. So let's talk about that:
You can't chew them. They're just too crunchy.
Once ingested it's nearly impossible to determine the winner. Sure, everyone could drop them into a single player's mouth, but tummys are generally opaque, even Irish tummys like mine. It's simply not the best play environment.
Games can only be played about once a day. And trust me, even if you win, I don't think you'll want to put them in your mouth a second time. Let's not go into that.
My suggestion is to wait until you acquire the dexterity to play properly. And if that's not an option hire an assistant. It may be costly, but in the long run it will be worthwhile.
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