Pay no mind to my befuddlitude, I`m all about this meeting and thereby this popcorn. |
Man oh man oh Manitoba, what painfully little good can ever come from a work luncheon? We productive types around the Perplexing office gathered for a brainstorm session, but ultimately little was accomplished save for the consumption en masse of the very popcorn meant to keep us happy.
If you’ve ever been to a lunch meeting you know how it goes. You bring doughnuts, coffee, bagels or whatever (popcorn in our case) and you get straight to business. Sounds well and good and all, but not one of us remembered to bring our notes, notepads or pens. Just like in adult meetings we were all there for the snacks, not the work.
The problem being that since all of us were focused on not focusing, nothing at all got done but the consumption of the popcorn. It’s a noble cause indeed but not even remotely effective when you’re trying to figure out what direction to take your business in.
Mind you, it was nice that no one tried to bury anyone else in ridiculous business buzzword bingo metaphors like “quantize the client-focused paradigm”, “globally restrategize our reader-based focus” or “create value-added, consumer-oriented, focus-driven, profit-centric, reader-initiated, group-related international drive-idioms.”
All pretty ridiculous if you ask me, but half of what your typical meeting is about is using 50-cent words on the company’s dime without the first notion of how you’ll translate that to even a nickel of profit. We skipped that nonsense but we galloped straight on through to the second half of the uselessness… we just ate all the food.
We met, we snacked, we did not work, and since there was no work to be done we ordered a second round of snacks and ate them up just about as quick.
To conclude our meeting we pointed fingers at one another blaming each for their respective failures to bring or take the necessary notes to do anything of any value. Also, we requested beverages because, come on man, after two fully finished orders of popcorn we were all pretty darn thirsty, you know?
ABOVE -- If you think Mr. Dominic didn't get any popcorn, don't be fooled. It's not because he's out of the loop, it's because he's already eaten his and is staring hard down the barrel of mine.
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