Navy’s Trojan Horse Program Cancelled

As I’ve come to understand it the US Navy has been working for the past year in total secrecy to develop an aquatic trojan horse program to infiltrate foreign coasts with the greatest of sneakiness. Now, due to unforeseeable drawbacks and cutbacks it has sadly been abandoned.

Thar she blows on parade.
Thar she blows on parade.

It made perfect sense on paper. It’s man powered so it’s quiet and doesn’t emit any Electro-magnetic signals. Humans hide inside it and it looks like a perfect kinetic sculpture of a real live horse, horsy or see-horse if you will. (Not a seahorse, that’s something different, though maybe they should work on one of those instead.) It sounded too good to be true and, once in the water the paper it looked so good on got soggy and all that research and development went out the window.

trojan-horse2Though water-faring it would seem as though for high sea-faring it would be quite deadly. Further it can only hold two solitary soldiers, both of whom would be pretty tuckered out upon arrival. Worse still is that they’re in plain sight all throughout their journey. I know, total bummer, huh?

The upside to it all is that the Navy is the loser to the tune of at least a couple billion but the winners are the spectators here who got to watch it lazily paddle by. Even an errant seal could tell something was special about it as he popped out of the water momentarily to bark at it. That’s not a photoshopped deal there people, it really happened and it was really wierd.

Don’t besmirch your government for failing to make new weapons. They have to try something new and us peace-mongers can pray nothing less than failure. I’d rather be the guy shaking and shrugging than the guy pedaling, wouldn’t you?

Above a non-Navy seal can be seen barking orders at the kayakin' shepherd in charge of wranglin' the horse.
Above a non-Navy seal can be seen barking orders at the kayakin’ shepherd in charge of wranglin’ the horse.

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